"This one has a stainless steel Carafe."
"Yeah. That does't excite me much."
"It can be programmed to make coffee whenever you wish. You just push this button, then hold down this one, then this one, then you, um."
"I've programmed a coffee maker before. That's not really an innovation."
"Well, what about this: this one will make twelve, NotNineNotTenNotEleven but Twelve cups."
"Right. Well. I'd yawn, but I don't even think it warrants that."
"Well. I suppose, there are the. Well, the European coffee makers."
"Aren't these European? They have names like Krupps and Capresso."
"Well, they aren't really European. They're just sort of European branded. The European ones, they're on the next aisle."
"With the vacuum cleaners."
"No, between that one and this one. You have to have a key. I have such a key."
"Well, lead on, MacDuff."
"It's Lay on, but the sentiment is right."
"Well, then, Lead On, MacLay, or whatever you just said."
"This model will wake you up in the morning."
"I already said, a timer isn't very impressive."
"No, sir. It will give you a foot massage and speak quietly, giving you the weather and various stock quote and headline information. It will gently lift you from slumber to face the day, at the time of your choosing. It will -don't interrupt me, sir- will choose your tie based upon prevailing fashion trends in your area, or any area you designate, including Paris and Milan. It will plant, grow and grind its own coffee in a secret location in your home which no mortal man may ever discover. It will harvest water from mountain streams thousands of miles away, the purest water it can scout, using a satellite monitor and a web of such coffee makers across the globe. It will give you advice on horse races and sporting outcomes. It will cook you dinner when you are too tired to do so, although, when it cooks, you have to wash the dishes. It will clothe you and comfort you and ease your mind about stressful matters."
"How's the coffee?"
"Terrible, dark and bitter, and full of grounds. However, if you mention it to the coffeemaker, it will become incensed and angry, and it will slowly dismantle your life, piece by piece until you are ruined and homeless, crying and sleeping in a gutter."
"Can it hear you now?"
"No, sir. We keep them unplugged for this reason."
"I'll take two!"